A few tips for dating single parents.....

 

1- Set up rules and boundaries right from the start.

 

2- Be upfront about commitment. This does not mean "I need a commitment" it means be honest about what you are looking for; a hook up,, a random date, a quick cheap fling, fuck buddies, a casual relationship, or a real relationship. What ever it is, single parents do not need surprises, because when their life is affected, so is their children's.

 

3- Commit to a certain number of dates per month, like once or twice a month to start, then no one is wondering where things are at, you have a future date that you know not to book, find sitters if necessary, and of coarse, something to look forward too.

 

4- Single parent's, men and women, are busy. They have packed schedule's and/or routines that generally rule their lives. They need time to plan ahead, get baby sitters, someone to take little Jonny to soccer, or a friend to pick up miss princess from dance. Give as much notice as possible and be understanding if it takes a while to work out a date and time.

 

5- Don't ever assume that all single parents are broke or looking for a new mommy or daddy for their children.

 

6- Know that the children, no matter how old, will ALWAYS come first.

 

7- Sex is great, but it is no where in "my" top priorities list, and there is no way you are going home to a single parents house to have sex with them right of the hop. Especially while their kids are home and in the house. If you haven't met them(the kids), they may not know that their parent is dating, so don't ask to go home with them, let them bring it up.

 

8- Holiday's such as Christmas are saved for family, or until things are very serious. I personally would never sell out my kids to go with someone else's families house for the holidays.

 

9- Be there for the other person, commit to keeping your personal issues between the two of you only, be each others rock, shoulder to cry on, listen to each other, listen first don't try to fix anything unless asked too, or offer to help but take the other persons answer at their word.

 

10- DO NOT TRY TO CO-PARENT SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD, THEY ARE NOT YOUR'S.

 

11- Be honest about all of your needs so that surprises don't pop up. Examples; I need at least 4 hours a week with you, or I need to spend every Saturday with my family, I need a message my back hurts.....

 

12- Time is extremely valuable when you are a parent, make the time you spend together count.

 

13- Try to make dates relaxing and rejuvenating every once in a while. Have fun and actual play time (not sex play, actual play). Include music in your time as well.

 

14- Everyone has a past, do not dwell on yours or theirs, you con not change it any ways.

 

15- Do not assume, ask!!!

 

16- Be willing to get your hands dirty every once in a while and help out if needed.

 

17- Do something old-fashioned and romantic for each other every once in a while.

 

18- If one or both of your ex's are in the picture, they will probably always be in the picture and a part of your life for as long as the two of you have a relationship, remember this and be civil for the sake of the children.

 

19- Single mother's in general do not have 100% beach bodies, YES some of them do, but most do not. Expect imperfections, don't body shame, she will never get over it or if she does she will not forget it....oh wow you don't even have THAT many stretch marks, or jeez you had a C-section, look at that scar.

 

20- Do not be part way in, be divorced from your past relationships first before you date single parents.

 

A few tips for dating "when you have no time" to date.....

 

1- Prioritize, if you decide that dating, having a partner, or a relationship is at all important to you, then DECIDE to prioritize this. Make a conscious decision to include dating as a part of your life.

 

2- Hold your self accountable to this commitment once you decide and tell a few of your family or friends about your new plan, who knows maybe some of them could even set you up or double date with you.

 

3- Make sure you are attracted to the person, not just their body, or their look, but their mind too as there is no point wasting the effort or the time you are carving out of your schedule to go on these dates. If you find that you would rather be at home watching television alone on your couch instead of cuddling up with this date person, it is probably not a well matched pair.

 

4- Make goals; look at dating as a list you would write out for your five or ten year plan....where do you want to be in the future? Oh you want to be married, ok, well how are you going to do that? Oh well start with going on 1 date a month. Commit to going on twelve dates in one year, whether they are with twelve different people, whether they were awful dates or just twelve dates with one person. Make a plan and make goals/smart goals take action, make commitments, Mr/Mrs right are NOT going to fall out of the sky into your bed! You have to work at it!

 

5- Be flexible, If you work nights, make a date for breakfast, meet at the gym, the pool, the park for a walk, go grocery shopping together, make a standing Wednesday afternoon sushi lunch date, figure out what is feasible and start there.

 

6- Don't out right tell new dates that your life is too busy to date, say things like "my work IS my passion at the moment", or "I love finding time for things that take my mind OFF work for a bit". Or maybe you are too busy because you have family obligations, say something like, "life sure has been keeping me focused lately, it will be nice to veer in a different direction for a bit"..

 

The whole point here is that if you want something ,such a companionship, you CAN get it. You have the power to use your smart little brains, to try out new things. What's the worst that could happen? You could achieve your goal or you could even end up happy!

So, taking the advice of someone I truly admire, someone who lives her life to the fullest, or what she call's, "wholeheartedly", Brene Brown does this without having money or possessions as one of her goals. She of coarse is already successful and owns a home, has published many books, but if you have read any of them you will already know what I am talking about.

What I would like any/all of you to try is to make a list. Make a list  about what you want in and out of your life....money, power, family, homes, cars, careers, boats, what ever it is you think you want write it down. Then in 1 month come back and with out looking at your list, write out a list of the happiest times, memories and moments in your life, and see how they compare. If they are polar opposites, you need to work on what is truly important and benefitting you in your life!

Counselling can have many different forms, definitions, models, and every counsellor does things their own way.  I found a few different definitions of counselling that I found gave the best descriptions. 

 

Counselling is:

-The process that occurs when a client and a counsellor set aside time to explore difficulties which may include the stressful or emotional feelings of the client

-The act of helping the client see things more clearly. possibly from different view point, and can enable the client to focus on feelings, emotions or behaviors, with a goal of facilitating positive change

-A relationship of trust. Confidentiality is of the utmost importance and is paramount to successful counselling. 

-Counselling is the helping approach that highlights the emotional and intellectual experience of a client. How a client is feeling and what they think about the problem that they have sought out help for

-Counselling is a form of talk therapy

-Counselling is work

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Counselling is not:

-Giving advice

-Being judgmental

-Attempting to fix the clients issues or problems for them

-Counselling is not a one size fits all approach

-Counselling is not coaching

-Anxiety

-Depression

-Sleep issues

-Stress

-Negative thinking patterns

-Panic attacks

-Fears or phobia's

-Obsessive compulsive issues

-Relationship issues

-Life direction

-Goals and planning out the future

-Greif

-Self-care

-Abuse

-Trauma

-Eating disorders

-Sexual issues

-Focus

-Emotional issues

-ADD/ADHD

 

Counselling can help in so many ways of a persons life, it just depends what you are comfortable with or what you are looking

for, what the counsellor specializes in and is also comfortable with.

Counselling is not a one appointment fix all solution. Counselling has some modalities that can help with short term issues and goals. Other modalities, such as Dialectal Behavior Therapy or DBT can 

take a minimum of a year to help a client. Again every model is different, everything depends on what the clients needs are and where they hope to go.

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